Earl was walking down the street when he came across a dead body at the about a half block from the street corner, he used his cell phone and called 911. The 911 operator told Earl that she would send someone out right away. "Where are you located?" she asked. Earl replied, "Near the corner of 1st street and Eucalyptus Drive." The 911 operator asked, "Can you spell that for me? There was a long pause and finally Earl said “look, I’ll drag the body back to 1st and Oak and you can pick him up there."
A REASON TO SPEED
A traveling salesman who spends way too many days on the road was driving along a long stretch of highway near the California border and seeing that there was very little traffic, put the “pedal to the metal” and sped up to get to his next appointment. Within a few minutes he noticed flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror. He knew he was caught and slowly pulled over.
The officer walked up, and asked “I hope you have a good reason why you were driving so damn fast" The salesman thought for a moment and replied "Well, my wife left me last week and just left a note on the bedroom door that she was running off with highway patrolman – I thought you were that guy and you were bringing her back!" The officer laughed and gave him a warning.
GOOD NEWS – BAD NEWS
"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client." The client asks "What's the bad news?" The lawyer replies, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene." "Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?" "Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol level is pretty low at 120."